I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize