I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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