Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
