Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Terrible idea I love it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
