covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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