i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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