garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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