I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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