Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
BRING THE BAGELS
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
