I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
