yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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