I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
