If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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