Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
