i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
