I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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