Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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