did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
