she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
