Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
