i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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