Umm I'm too high to move.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just had sex on a roof
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
