God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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