Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
