Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
