i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
