My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
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