You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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