That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize