How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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