You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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