somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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