Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
