Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize