But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
