please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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