I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize