I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Randomize
