This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
