Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
