So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
