Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Of course I have a pirate flag
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
