It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
