What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
