when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
