I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
