And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
