Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
