His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It was like getting head from an anaconda
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
