I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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