So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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