who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
