drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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