Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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