We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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