He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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