Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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