you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
