so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize