i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We were destined to go to rehab together
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize