dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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