Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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