My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
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