I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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