please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I AM VODKA MAN
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
