You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize