if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
