seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
