Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
