Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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