hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
