She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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