I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
