I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize
