her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
