you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
