12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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