His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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