the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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